3 False Beliefs About Motherhood

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I once believed that my kids made me better at setting boundaries because I could simply use them as an excuse without a complicated explanation necessary. I constantly struggled to get out of doing things I didn’t actually want to do because I developed an inability to say no to others.

False Belief 1: I Needed My Kids as an Excuse To Set Boundaries

Instead of using them as some kind of boundary crutch however, I simply tell it like it is: I’m wiped, I need space and time.

Now, that people-pleasing-level kindness has a new home, my family.
Everyone else can shove it.
I’m half-kidding.

No more abuse of my time and energy though.

It took me a while but I’ve grown a backbone.
I’ve had to!

Now, not too many people can pull me away from my young kids, nor should they want to

Because after all, they’re the only ones who truly always need me.

Speaking of needing me, how was I doing emotionally?

False Belief 2: Being a mother meant being absolutely selfless.

I’ve since learned that perpetually leaving myself last made me a lousy mother. Me feeling stressed, disheveled and like I’m constantly running on fumes isn’t a good mother to anyone! I’m irritable and more reactive when my needs aren’t being met, and instead of taking out the frustration of my sheer exhaustion on my poor unsuspecting children, (like my parents did, bless their souls) I prioritize my mental wellness to be a better well-adjusted parent than my own were.

That can look like many things and doesn’t even necessarily have to exclude my kids. I just consider this daily and hold my wellness rituals sacred.

Writing is one of them.

False Belief 3: Clean and Tidy House Meant That I Had My Shit Together

I used to believe that being organized and being creative were inexorably linked somehow.

Tidy-house, tidy-mind? What if all of this cleaning is making me hate my life and resent my family?

When kids are young it takes a very long time to get a tidy house and at that time in the evening all of the energy I had left seems to dwindle away in near-comatose states in front of glowing screens.

Also, if I waited until everything was organized it would leave no time for creativity.

The fact was simple: Without creativity I felt less joy, less shiny, less playful, less like myself.

I was losing myself in motherhood, in my work, and even in my friendships.

Lessons Learned

Today I take mental health breaks from everyone and everything and let writing simply flow out of me when I feel inspired to do so.

Like right now with this random-yet-radically-honest piece about life.

I will keep diligently sifting through old-beliefs on my continuous evolution to optimal creativity for my work and schooling, and when inspiration strikes, ill add it here, as a record of my introspection.

Thanks for reading.



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